Regret. Regret is what you are left with when all the “What if” circular thinking is exhausted. I saw a poster once where the inspirational words read, “If only I could go back to that moment just before everything started to go wrong.” As a caregiver, that is the emotional framework you live in, with the ”live in the present” approach to life. Not because you’ve mastered the art of being present, but because when you caretake for someone with psychosis, there is no plan, there no roadmap, there is no future. Hope is a circus-mirror reality, warped into patterns only you can recognize. I spend every waking minute of existence working to pull normalcy into life, while my impacted spouse spends every waking hour unconsciously destabilizing it. The internal voices overpower family, daughter, husband, parents, friends. I am stuck between. Love drives me. Responsibility drives me. Doing the right thing drives me. Laws, medications, treatments, confinement all deserve discussion. But so does the isolation of the caregiver without buttering it with excessive optimism. This is hard.