In the name of love, I will not give up on you, ever. You can have a meaningful life. I will not let fear block out possibility. In the beginning, the only goal was to keep you alive. In the name of love, I can accept you as you are and know there is healing and growth and new understanding. In the name of love, I have stopped asking “why me?” and accepted “why not me?” I have grieved your future and now live in the present, while looking forward to something new and different being created.
In the name of love, I have pooled all resources, used a second mortgage when insurance did not cover, when no one could say how to help, and flown you across states to find answers, find a diagnosis, find treatment, find support and found life-saving [medicine]. In the name of love, I have forgiven you and forgiven myself. There is no fault, dwelling in the past of could haves, should haves. Wishing and wanting something different does not help us. In the name of love, I embrace each moment with you where you look me in the eyes and you smile, you laugh, you enjoy.
In the name of love, I speak of you and your journey with pride (with your permission). I work to change the view and stigma of serious mental illness. For a time, I lost myself. We also lost people in our lives who didn’t know what to say or how to support us. In the name of love, I know peace, joy and a life ahead, for both of us. I celebrate you and how hard you have worked and acknowledge where we have come from. In the name of love, I work to live in the present. I get up early so I can take a walk by myself. I modified my work schedule so I can be there for you. In the name of love, I count pills, monitor medications, set appointments. I have spent more hours than my full-time job trying to find services, therapists, psychiatric providers, support services and reading everything I can to try to understand how to help you. I have spent endless hours and savings with attorneys, fighting with insurance for fair coverage, trying to get healthcare providers to understand that this chronic illness must be managed and supported — treated like any other chronic illness.
In the name of love, we are learning that life can still be lived. I tell you I love you and now you say it back to me. There are no roadmaps for this journey, no words to explain, but if you have lived this, you understand that we do it all in the name of love.
